Sunday, 24 June 2012

Why Vampires/Werewolves/Faeries (???) should never be British

Honestly, I'm not uber-Patriotic or like, British-obsessed. I just wanted to share my thoughts on a few paranormal romance staples that just WOULDN'T work in Britain. I mean, I'm not a total expert, because I'm a contemporary kinda girl. And I'm not saying UK pnr romance writers are rubbish (I'm sure they're just as awesome as their US counterparts), just that our little isle is ill suited to shmexy vampire shparkleeee timez.

First of all, our town names are boring.

I've seen the summaries: "Someday Dreamer is just an average girl from Enchantment, Ohio". Or Paradise, Texas. Or Sunrise, Indiana.

Basically, US towns have these dreamy-sounding towns way more suited to witty little metaphors/titles/comments than the UK. Tell me this doesn't sound rubbish: "Anne Brown is just an average girl from Grimsby, Yorkshire." The closest we come to cool names is really grim (ha) ones like Black Dog and No Man's Land (both actual places). And Grimsby, and Hull.

Secondly, not many of us UK teens can drive. So no midnight car chases/hot pnr boy skidding into a car park to save us from thugs.

In the UK, driving age is seventeen. No practicing before that, and no going straight out in your car on your seventeenth birthday, because there is a crapload of paperwork to fill in and send off before you can actually drive.

Our streets are tiny and windy, so town/city dwellers don't usually bother to drive if there's nowhere to put their car.

Plus, insurance is shockingly expensive. So unless your boy was as rich as Midas/Edward Cullen, he would have to save you from the car park thugs (get me, Twilight reference) and then your romantic lunch would have to consist of Morrisons Bettabuy sandwiches and reduced Scotch eggs sitting in the car in said car park, because a romantic meal would probably be too expensive.

And most UK teens don't learn to drive till about 18, so that's another setback.

No ultra-expensive, super-fancy glass houses in the woods. Because you have to get planning permission for that sh*t.

And chances are, the woods are owned by some local farmer who doesn't want a wolf pack running through them, or some rich vampires setting up home there. You go climbing trees with Vampire boy, and he'll be down the bottom with his gun. Still, at least vampire boy'll be safe, because farmers don't tend to shoot silver bullets.

So that's it, people. Can anyone else think of reasons why the UK is totally unsuited to sparkley, bitey goings on?

And does anyone agree that Queen Elizabeth and Edward would make a TOTALLY awesome fan fiction? So long as Eddy doesn't eat the corgies...


  1. However... as writers we get to create our own little towns. ;) I've actually never considered if the UK is not the best setting for a pnr. I'm not a fan of pnr but I don't think the UK is too bad. The weather is perfect - hardly any sun! - and London's a perfect place to stay low key. It's absolutely huge and your neighbours don't like to talk and get to know one another. And if you're the pale and sparkly kind you could easily hang out in Camden or Soho without people being suspicious!

    I do love our little names. Especially around Yorkshire. Like Giggleswick! Oh, there so HAS to be a pnr set in Giggleswick! Definitely more memorable than Forks!

    1. haha true - but Paradise, Surrey doesn't have the same ring to it ;). I love the UK, though.

      Oh, and YES - pnr romance in Giggleswick - I could set my Edward and Queen Liz fan fic there ;)

  2. Our town names aren't usually that glamorous either. :) And I think the UK is made for faeries! Wasn't the original 'true' fairy story in England? The two little girls who saw, and photographed fairies?

  3. I agree with Rachel--fairies fit well in the British Isles, and US town names are usually pretty lame. ;) But I guess because it's so much bigger, there's more variety in the US and it's less obvious if you make a place up.

    In general, I think you could set a pnr anywhere, depending on what you wanted to get out of your setting. But you definitely have some good points--it's probably better Meyers didn't try to set Twilight in England. :) Interesting post!

    The Feather and the Rose: Summer Blog-Epic, Part II